I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
