I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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