dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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