Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
then he tried to convert me to islam
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
