I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
