accomplished twins. life is a go
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
