I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
did i just pee glitter
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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