Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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