you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
