I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
