don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Randomize
