This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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