Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
