Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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