Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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