Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
