Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize