who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
