i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize