All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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