I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
