Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize