He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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