Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
