Plan B is the new Plan A
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
