ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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