Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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