i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
That reminds me...we need to get swords
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
