Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
