omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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