I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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