we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
