did you get engaged???
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
