I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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