Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
