I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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