ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
