My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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