I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize