Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
