dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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