wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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