We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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