the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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