I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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