Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
