Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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