with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
