I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
