farters have to be the big spoon...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
