i just wanna soil my oats bro
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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