I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
