Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
