you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
