There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
