No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
