is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
