just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
