So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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