I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
