My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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