He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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