first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
