I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
