i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
