If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
