It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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