How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
