I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
